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Making
things happen - with integrity. A Weekly CyberMemo designed to keep you on task. Monday, January 31, 2000 Volume II Number 5
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FOCUS - Hope and Despair
They are traveling companions. Hope and Despair. They travel through time together. And they travel alongside us.
While they appear to be inseparable fraternal twins, they only show up one at a time. If they were born on the same day, they have long since split up. Irreconcilable differences. They are not friends. They occupy opposite ends of the emotional spectrum. Hope and Despair. Either/or. Never both/and.
Like a coin tossed in the air, only one
side comes up. It’s completely
random. Or so is the common view.
(Unless, of course, chance is a cosmic illusion.)
We flip a coin when we can’t decide - or when we turn over the
decision to fate… as in “caste your fate to the wind.”
Like when the Superbowl game begins.
Who’s gunna kick? Whose
gunna receive? No one knows, no
one, not the coaches, not the captains, not that fans, not the TV
crew, not the referees… until the coin is tossed.
Then we know. Everybody knows.
The coin toss works because it’s either one or the other - heads or tails. Everyone agrees. There is no tie in a coin toss. It’s either this or that. One flip of the coin. The decision is final. The only conceivable exception to that rule would be for the coin to land on its edge and refuse to fall either way. But we all know, that never happens. That’s why the flip of the coin is so trusted as a decision maker.
These traveling companions Hope and Despair are like that. While they are ever sailing through life together, once they hit the ground, only one of them comes up. Only one is operational. When Hope comes up, Despair is gone. When Despair comes up, Hope vanishes.
Some of us have little control over which twin takes over. Hope and Despair paddle us back and forth like a Ping Pong ball. Up and down and over and around like one of those seven loop roller coasters. We are victims either way. Along for the ride.
When circumstances blindside our day, we have little capacity to predict which of these two twins will prevail. It’s as random as a coin toss.
* * * * *
Dr. Hart begins the meeting with a reading. His baritone voice is rich, and the British influence of his South African heritage instilled in him the subtleties and elegance of the King’s English. It makes the reading, well, recordable. Studio quality.
He carries in a worn copy of John Bunyan’s classic – The Pilgrim’s Progress. Dr. Hart is a psychologist and graduate school professor and author and speechmaker. This is a routine board meeting. Dr. Hart is Chairman. He begins with some thoughts to set the tone. His purpose is to bring encouragement to our little group.
Christian and his friend Hopeful are on that classic Pilgrimage to Celestial City. The journey is full of adventure. There are successes and failures. Uphill climbs, descents down the rocks, bubbling brooks and dangerous encounters. Dr. Hart picks up the story as Christian and Hopeful come upon a terrible storm - wind and rain and lightening and thunder. As they look for shelter, they unintentionally trespass. They are unaware – the shelter is Doubting Castle - owned and ruled by the Giant Despair. The Giant has no sympathy for their plight, and throws them into the Castle’s Dungeon. Despair’s wife Diffidence (one who lacks esteem, timid and shy) gives her husband strict orders. Make their lives miserable, she says. And he does.
Christian and Hopeful are brutally beaten. Left hungry. With no hope of escape.
The next passage in the dramatic reading causes our friend Dr. Hart to choke with emotion. It’s clear this veteran counselor and teacher knows the reality of despair from experience. He reads Bunyan’s words -
Well, on
Saturday, about midnight [Christian and Hopeful] began to pray, and continued
in prayer till almost break of day.
Now, a little
before it was day, good Christian, as one half amazed, brake out into this
passionate speech: What a fool, quoth he, am I, thus to lie in a stinking
dungeon, when I may as well walk at liberty!
I have a key in my pocket, called Promise, that will, I am persuaded,
open any lock in Doubting Castle. Then
said Hopeful, That is good news; good brother, pluck it out of thy pocket, and
try.
Christian slips the key out of his pocket and into the lock. He gives it a turn. The door opens. They are free.
Dr. Hart looks up and says, “Like Christian, we have the key. It’s called Promise. God’s Promise.” And then he adds thoughtfully, “Yes, …that’s it, isn’t it? God’s promise.”
* * * * *
We see Despair everywhere. We hear it in phrases like “it’s no use.” “This is going nowhere.” “These people are clueless.” “It’s an utter waste of time” “I can’t take it anymore.” “I’ve totally given up.” “It’ll never work.” “If I never see him/her again, it’s alright by me.”
Despair’s influence is real. The Giant’s got you convinced. It’s all your fault. It’s all over. Or in other circumstances, the Giant simply lets you off the hook. Tells you that you are not responsible. Let it go. Forget it. It’s no use. And once you buy in, you loose all sense of purpose and direction and meaning. Either way, Despair’s got you. Locked up. Behind bars. He works you over. In a stinking dungeon.
Hope is gone.
Hope, in contrast, brings a different message. Hope says that great expectations are OK. Hope says that belief makes things happen. Hope speaks of confidence. Of certainties. Of assurances. Hope says continue on, and the results will come together just as you planned. Hope thinks that it will be even better than you planned.
Hope replaces pessimism with optimism. Hope is the starting place for enthusiasm.
Despair calls it wishful thinking. Hope calls wishful thinking a virtue. Despair calls it self-deception. Hope calls it self-confidence. Despair calls it “looking through rose colored glasses.” Hope calls it twenty-twenty vision.
Despair tells you your doubts are valid. Hope says learn to trust. Despair thinks cynicism is witty, entertaining and clever. Hope edifies. Encourages. Enables.
Hope hands you the key.
* * * * * *
Lisa showed up for the first time about six months ago. She told us she liked New Age spirituality. Her gift shop in town smelled like potpourri and fragrant soaps and candles. But she wanted to know more about the Bible.
More than once, she shook her head saying, “Pete (her husband) will never buy into that one…” It was as though she hoped one of us might take him on, and answer some of his cherished intellectual arguments against faith. She tried, she said. But she was no match against his scholarly treasure trove of anti-religious sentiment.
Pete is a college professor. Educational psychology. He long ago jettisoned his Sunday-School level religiosity. And with it, religion in general. Of course, so have we. But Pete doesn’t know that. Yet.
This week, Pete surprised the whole group. He showed up with Lisa on Tuesday night for Bible study. There were about twenty of them, mostly married couples, sitting around a gentle glowing fire in a comfortable living room on a chilly January night.
After a lively discussion, the evening ended as it usually does with prayer. The voice was unmistakable. It was Lisa.
She prayed, “Lord, thank you for all my new friends. Thank you most of all that I am sitting in this beautiful room with these wonderful people…(pause)… that I am here tonight with my husband by my side.” The room froze. Oh-oh, I hope he’s doin’ OK, everyone thought.
Her voice catches over the intensity of her feelings. “Thank you for my new relationship with Jesus. And that my husband can see for himself how much it all means to me.”
Later, as the group called it a night, Pete stopped at the door. Steve, host and teacher for the evening, told Pete, “Hey, really glad you came tonight.”
Pete grabbed Steve’s hand with both of his, locked in eye contact and said, “I’m glad I came, too.” Steve told me later. Ken, it was unmistakable and unbelievable; Pete’s eyes welled up with tears.
“Miracle happens,” said Steve.
* * * * *
Hope and Despair will come visiting this week. You may even hear the two of them arguing over that situation of yours. The discussion can get nasty. And loud. And distracting.
Which will it be?
Will you rely on the coin toss? Become the victim?
Or will you decide for yourself?
Maybe you slipped into Doubting Castle without knowing. And you are wondering how in the world you got there. It’s dark and dank and it hurts and it stinks. And you are hungry.
Lisa found the escape on Tuesday night. Pilgrim Hart got it right. Hope is alive.
Listen closely. You’ve got the key. It’s in your pocket.
Use it.
© Copyright Kenneth E. Kemp 2000
Everything about in the story of Pete and Lisa is true except their names. Steve's the real guy.
Special Thanks to my good friend David Belcher, owner of Rhino Media Group and creator of WisdomGram
LeaderFOCUS is a service of Good Stewardship Associates
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